I realized the other day that I was somewhat different these days. More confident, assertive, courageous. When did this change come about, I asked myself? And I knew straight away - when I became a mother!
I was always a very gentle hearted, and somewhat insecure person. People would walk all over me sometimes. I would be too agreeable for fear of hurting someones feelings. I was fearful and easily intimidated.
And then I became a mother.
Out of nowhere this lioness emerges, and an intense sense of protectiveness for this little person. Your instincts also take over to a large degree. You will go to the ends of the earth for this child of yours, and do just about anything for him - even kill if you need to. And I know to someone reading this who is not a mother yet might be shocked at me saying that I could kill someone if it meant protecting my child, but most mothers would agree with me. I can't explain it, it is something that you know you would do in a heartbeat - lioness.
I think even the act of birthing your child is transforming in itself. When I was pregnant and before, the thought of giving birth to a baby scared me witless. Voluntarily going through hours of pain? Eek! Although I had to have a Cesarean with Ethan, the hugeness of having a baby, having a doctor inject a huge needle into your spine and your stomach cut open (while awake and feeling what's going on) is hectic to say the least. Then being thrust into the position of taking responsibility of a totally dependent being for probably the next 18 years or more is quite overwhelming at times. These things make you grow up very quickly.
And there you are, looking at a little being. Your husband is at work and its all up to you. You can't run away, you have to rely on your God-given instincts, and you grow up. And so begins this new chapter in your life. Your toddler brings out an anger in you at times that takes you by surprise. But you can't run away. You face your fears and strongest emotions head on (because you have no other option) and you grow up.
Tell me someone is a mother and my respect doubles for them instantly. Because I know that they love intensely, care deeply, are self-sacrificing, determined, inventive, strong and mature (at least they should be). We face challenges on a daily basis and come out laughing. Run a double shift often on empty. And will never deny a cuddle and a kiss to their child. We will sit up through the night with our sick child, even if we have work the next day. Even give our child the food out of our own mouths!
And then you realize one day that you are different. You are strong. You feel like you could actually do anything you put your mind to. You are a mother!